Uplift

This morning I went to the dedication of the Utah, Oquirrh Mountain Temple. When a new temple is dedicated in my church the President of the Church is present and it is a special historical occasion. Honestly, I didn't want to go. Normal church services were suspended today so that members could attend the dedication. I, quite frankly, thought it the perfect opportunity to skip church, and relax. My mother talked me into going and I am really glad she did.

As I mentioned in my last post this trip has been wrought with culture shock. I have simply felt terribly out of place. Last night I was sad as I came home from the Gateway Mall, because as I browsed through the mall there were so many things I wanted and even needed that I could never afford. We went to the grocery store again after the mall, and I actually wept when I saw a Dora back pack for Eva that I wanted her to have, and could not afford. Through out this trip I have walked through many stores, and many homes of friends, and city parks, and the city rec center, and although I have enjoyed it all so much, I feel like I don't belong because nothing so luxurious is any part of my reality.

My mom said to me last night that God has placed me in Mexico to provide character building experiences for me and my children. Experiences that were prevalent in Justin's upbringing, that we might be a stronger family, and more grateful for the luxury if we ever we ever get to come back. I know she is right. On my birthday earlier this month, I asked Justino if he would go back in time and change the past if he could. If given the opportunity, would he want to go back and lie in the interview. That is all it would have taken, and we would have been headed back together instead of suddenly split between countries. He couldn't say that he would change it. It has been so painful so many times and so difficult all the time, but we can see how it has united us, and deepened our love and dedication to each other. He is a better man and father for having gone through this. I hope that the same is true of me.

Despite recognizing the good that has come from this journey, I have mourned often, again on this trip, for what I imagine we have lost. Much of which is convenience and ease and money and things. All of which I know are of lesser importance than family and gratitude but as the days pass and life feels so daily, I want to be grateful for a furnished home in Davis county with a washer AND a dryer, and perfectly regulated climate control, and clean water, and carpet and grass for Sammy to play on. I am grateful for my house in Cancun, and the fact that it is leaps and bounds beyond what I ever dreamed of having in Mexico, but still exists from time to time a divide in my heart between my gratitude for what the life I live and things I have, and a sense of loss for what I know I would had and the life I feel like I was entitled to.

I know that God has heard my thoughts because today he extended a message of mercy especially for me through through the talks in the temple dedication. All the talks touched me on a personal level, but the words of Pres. Dieter Uchdorf, a counselor to President Monson from Germany, came directly from God through him to me. Sometimes I feel the presence of God as a mighty power, strong enough to control the elements and create the universe. Today I felt a more tender side of God, as my Father who came to speak, through Pres. Uchdorf, to the troubled parts of his daughter's heart.

Pres. Uchdorf started about the beauty of the planet earth, and about how he has traveled and seen much of this diverse earth, and how each place has it's own unique beauty. He said that Utah is no exception and how this place has rich natural beauty and rich pioneer heritage. He expressed that despite that fact that he is from Germany and none of his family crossed the plains with the early members of the church he claimed that ancestry as his own. He said that they marched across this country " blazing a trail to Zion" Zion has much meaning to me. It was the word that the pioneers used to describe the place where they could worship in peace. They found Zion in Salt Lake City, Utah. My home. Many times as I have read the scriptures and read promises that were given to them about finding Zion and returning to Zion, I have claimed them as my own, and in my own heart I have believed that God would one day send me home to "Zion", in other word Salt Lake City.

I felt overwhelmed that I am also blazing my own trail to Zion, just as my own ancestors did. Then just as I was so grateful for the message, it became more personal to me as Pres. Uchdorf related a story of one of my own ancestors Sanford Bingham. He told of his long journey to Zion, his travels, and his trials and his triumphs. I felt connected to my very own ancestors, and i felt strengthened to continue on my own journey as Sanford did.

As I left feeling so uplifted, I thought about the spiritual uplift that is often available to me that I don't take advantage of. I was reminded today that I know that there is a God in Heaven who is powerful enough to move the tides and make the rain and also personal enough to know what I need to hear and feel to receive the strength to keep going on my own journey. I left renewed to seek that uplift more often, and grateful for the place that i am in my own life. It is just where I should be, and I am excited to keep forging ahead.