Paradoxical Zen

Since I was hanging on the raw ragged edge, much has changed. Justino got a job in Cancun. We are now in Cancun with him. He has rented us a HOUSE, with two bedrooms and closets and kitchen cabinets and counter space. I have a real stove and and an oven. I have a great fridge and there isn't even one cockroach in it. There are three wal-marts for me to choose from and many other similar stores. I can walk to the mall, that is giant and has a movie thearter. I have a pool that is just for the people that live on my street. I swim with Eva everyday, sometimes twice and Sam is just a darling little fat ton. He likes to swim too. It is 80 degrees here, and beautiful. We paid 6 pesos (just under 60 cents) and rode the bus to the hotel zone and saw a dolphin show. Eva was in heaven. The hotel zone feels like inside some ritzy Las Vegas Casino, without the gambling. The shops are high end, it is beautiful, and lots of tourists. Lots of luxuries here that I never dreamed of in Martinez.



I also have some charms here that I enjoyed in Martinez. The guy on a trike selling corn on the cob, elotes, and the corner stores everywhere that make running to buy a drink for visitors really convient. They even have twix bars here. Some real american candy. The street I live on is a dead end so there isn't a lot of traffic. There are beautiful trees and flowers growing. There are huge aloe vera plants randomly everywhere. There are even side walks here.



Even better than all the convience here is the family that is finally reunited. And here we are together loving having a life together. A good life together. Where important things are important, like eating dinner together, and takking walks together and laughing together, and sitting on the porch everynight while eva pushes sam in the stroller, reading every book that eva owns every day because what else are we going to do? Life is slower here and so we don't miss all the good stuff that sometimes get skimmed off the top in the rat race of the states. I always feel so busy when I am there. We are just here holding on together and living a life that is just ours and we are happy. There are so many things about this life that I perfer.





Last week my good friend Lisa invited us to her house and she cooked her head off and made a Thankgiving dinner for us. It was delightful. She was showing me her hosue and all she said,
" This is my own little zen" She has created her safe space. It is her zen. I thought when she said that, how us being together here, isolated from so much of the worldly crazy, that we are in our own safe place, our own protected bubble. Where we can focus on being instead of doing, and all the while it's tropical Mexico. I love it.





And while I love it, it is still Mexico. I run out of water if the city doesn't pump water up onto the water tank on my roof. In theory it is supposed to fill every morning, but on the days it doesn't by the after noon we have no water till the next day. The side walks are great for walking on , but are so bumpy and uneven that they are not so great for strollers. So we still walk in the street a lot of the time. Eva uncovered the drain in the shower and I got to scream at my first cockroach since I have been here. The biggest flaw to this paradise is that my family isn't here. My eva cries for her grandma everyday. SHe isn't going to grow up playing with her cousins. She might not even know them. Things are just things but family matters. And sometimes I grieve and ache and long for my nearest and dearest.



So there is the paradox. We live in a paradise, with just enough "things" to be comfortable, but not enough that we forget the good stuff, and it is truly peaceful, yet all the while carrying an ache for the important parts of me that are so far way. And then again I guess that's what finding peace is really all about being happy in the midst of hard things. Because really, it is never all the way easy. So here I am finding my zen, in the middle of imperfection. Mine, the country's, my kids, my husband, and yet peaceful all the same.