Holiday Rundown

I can't believe that Christmas has come and went. For days that sure drag this year has really flown. This is how we spent our holidays south of the border.

Church Dinner
Last Saturday night we had our church Christmas dinner. The youth were in charge of the nativity skit. They were irreverent, and out of control during the practices and I nearly renounced my calling of youth leader, but the final product was much better than the rehearsals, not great, but better, and I Forgave them. The food was amazing. We had enough, which is a first, and we had a really wonderful time with the people who have made this time in Mexico so special. As I sat there eating, and talking I thought about leaving them, and that made me want to cry almost as much as the thought of staying for ten years. Later Justino took one of the youth with him to take dinner to a widow in our branch, and he was joking with the youth saying that when he was the new branch president that he would have to make sure and take dinner to all the widows that didn't have strength to come to the church to eat. Justino said, maybe it will be you when I leave, still joking, and Ruben, the youth, said, " You're Leaving?!" Justino told him that we don't plan on being here permanently, and Ruben got quiet for a long time and then said, " President Mora, Please don't leave." When Justino told me that I forgave the all the irreverent youth for being teenagers about the skit.

Posadas
All last week neighborhoods around Martinez hosted Posadas. It is when the people on a certain street pool their money and resources and make a party. They close the streets and string balloons, rent speakers bigger than their houses and dance all night. The neighborhood ladies cook and there is candy for the kids. Big fun, big food, all night. These folks know how to party.

Christmas Eve
So we went to a Christmas Eve party with some of our friends, Frank and Rosy. We went with their family to Rosy's mother's. She had 12 children and they were all there with their kids. We played games and had pinatas, she roasted a leg og pig with peaches it was divine. Then we danced and there was karaoke. I got a big kick out of listening to everybody sing. Everybody dressed up and there was such a joyful atmosphere. The games were cheesy, like musical chairs, and fruit basket, but every body participated and made it so much fun. I laughed until I cried more than once. At midnight every single person hugged and kissed every single person. Eva fell asleep on my lap in a chair in a corner about 5 minutes to midnight, so I thought that I would not be involved in the 12 o'clock Christmas greetings, but not one person failed to find their way back to the my isolated corner and hug me over the top of my sleeping angel. I was so touched that many of them, don't know me, but I felt sincerely loved my all of them. It struck me that the focus of the evening was being together. Not gifts, not anything else just coming together to celebrate. We stayed until almost 2a and it was blissful.
There was another element that really impressed me about this family. Underneath the obvious merry making, there were some things going on that could have really killed the mood, but didn't. A few months ago Justino and Frank painted a house for one of Franks sister in laws. I'll spare the details but she during that time she stole Frank's wedding ring, and a substantial amount of money from him. The circumstances around the event made it obvious that she was the culprit, but in the end he couldn't prove it, and had to let it go. Christmas Eve, She was there. He was there, and he was kind. I paid attention to how he treated her. He brought her a plate of food, and I saw them kiss at midnight. Frank is a bigger person than me, because he forgave her.
Another detail was that one of Rosy's sister, Isabel, came from the United States. She has lived there for 20 years, is a legal resident, and after 7 years or so came home to see her family for Christmas. She brought a surprise with her. Her lesbian life partner, Margarita, and their new one year old daughter, Joyce. This family is NOT of the open minded train of thought to celebrate the announcement of the lifestyle choice of their daughter. I was worried for her
( Somebody told me before the party about her arrival) but I was deeply moved at the kindness and love that this family showed their sister, and her new family. Frank danced with Margarita, she was the best at the karaoke, and I noticed everybody extend a hand of welcome to her. I love that.
I thought about the whole night and I realized that the wonderful feeling I felt was there because these folks, not only know how to throw an awesome party, but because they don't just sing about Christmas, they don't just celebrate Christmas, they LIVE everyday, the principles that Christmas is all about. Peace, Love and Joy.

Christmas Day
Justino went to see his grandmother and because my foot hurt from all the dancing, and because my mother was going to call I stayed home. I talked to her for two hours and that was a delight. Then I took a nap, and that was only ok. Because I woke up every 5 minutes wondering if Eva was ok, forgetting that she went with her dad. Children really do ruin your life, I used to be a champion napper. Thanks a lot Eva. We went back to Rosy's mom when they came home, and ate again, and it was fabulous.

Best Christmas Present Ever
so there are two young men in the branch that play the piano. They learned before I came from their mother and they love it when I teach them. They love to find difficult, fast, show off music to learn, and I am always trying to help them learn it. They always ask me to play something "impressive" and since I haven't practiced since my recital in April of 2006 my skills are less than impressive. I can get through about 30 seconds of the third movement of Beethoven's "Moonlight" Sonata. Well they beg me for more, and I never have it to give. I keep telling them if I had the music I could resurrect it, but I don't so, sorry. Well, Monday afternoon they showed up after having spent hours in an internet cafe, with a copy of the music. They were so pleased and so was I. I can't wait to get to the piano, and spend some time with my soul mate Beethoven. Merry Christmas.

Hope

Hope is an interesting thing. I am thinking about it because I think I am losing it. When I was younger I used to hope for a bright future. At different times I hoped for different things. I remember a time that I hoped to be a best selling author who lived alone in Park City and had a bare skin rug. Later I hoped for a happy marriage. That hope came true. I hoped for a certain life, with my wonderful husband, some kids, a house.... You know the usual stuff. Lately I have been thinking, so what do I hope for. I hope for a visa that will take us home. I hope that my husband will be present at the birth of his next child. I hope that Eva will someday sleep through the night, like she used to before we moved to Mexico. I hope that Justino's cousin will come from Florida and bring us Eva's crib to increase the chances of her sleeping through the night, because I have determined that she is too big for her porta-crib, that coupled with the bugs that eat her while she sleeps, are the reasons that she wakes up five times a night, and barely naps in the day. I hope that if we ever get back to the states, that we will be able to build a life there, and it won't matter that we are light years behind other people our age. Who all have houses, and careers and lots of children, and all the other things I used to hope for.

Why suddenly am I doubtful that any of this going to happen. I believe that it is all possible. I don't think they are such outrageous things that I hope for, but in a new way, like never before in my life, I wonder if they will happen. I worry that they wont. I don't know what that says about me. I guess I just grew up believing that I could have anything I was willing to work for. For the first time I don't feel like there is anything I can do to make my hopes come true. Maybe pray. But hasn't God already decided if we are going to stay here or not. We ask him unceasingly to send us back to the states, and to send us a job until we get there, but he hasn't done either one yet. I feel so powerless over the future that I always hoped for. SO maybe I am discovering as I write this that my hope was in the wrong thing, my ability to achieve what I want to have in my life.

Oh the things I am learning being in a place I didn't hope to come to. It isn't really being here that is hard. I mean tonight they closed the street, and the music was huge and beautiful and the weather was warm, and the neighbor had hung balloon across the street. And there was dancing and candy for the kids and festive Mexican "ponche" ( a hot drink, lots of fruit boiled with cinnamon sticks and sugar) that I love, and in the middle of it, I thought, what is my problem. I love this country. I do love this country. I wouldn't mind living in a part of it that had at least one Chinese restaurant and a book store or two, but I love this people. I love this culture, I love that my daughters first words have been Spanish words. I love so much of this life that we live here.

So what I am complaining about? I don't even know. I just know that I hope differently than I used to. I guess I used to hope for things and I hadn't lived anything that made me think that it might not come true. Suddenly that seems like a possibility. That scares me. What do you hope for?

BURRA QUE SOY

Well, I guess when I complain about my life, and refuse to see the things that I have to be grateful for God gently nudges me to remember them. In this case, he nudged me down the stairs on Saturday afternoon while I was at a baby shower, and today I remember that I am grateful for the good old days when my ankle wasn't sprained and I could walk all over this little town pain free. Actually, I don't really think that my sprained ankle was an act of god, as much as it was my clumsy self, and loose flip flops, but at any rate, I am more grateful that I can walk ( or I should say, that I will walk again in the near future, now I doing more crawling and hopping than walking)
I found a doctor, she is a member of my church, and she is an actual doctor, not a Mexican "healer" ( which could be a whole post in it self) She said that she doesn't think it is broken, might be little crack in the bone, I think we will do X-rays tomorrow. Jusitno is a champion, ran a real marathon today, in church as the branch president, and with a one year old, and a broken wife home in bed. I am so grateful for him. One day at a time, good to be grateful for strong ankles, I have added that to my list.

Christmas Time in Sunny Mexico

This photo has nothing to do with this post, just wanted you all to see how darling my child is.

So I have been really in a funk since my mom left. For three days I have done almost nothing. I did start laundry, but still have two loads on the line, for three days now, and one load that never even made it out of the washer. My mom came, and left, and that made me sad. Basically I have been totally out of gas, and sick of living here, and ready to be done with Mexico. Hopeless that we will ever get to go home, and really struggling that God is fine to let me struggle and suffer. That is so not the God I have believed in. Yes, we have trials to make us grow, yes he sees a bigger picture, but somehow this time, this trial seems different. Like way beyond growth and my better good, more like sadistic cruel punishment. How can it be ok that I am in a country that all my god given talents are stifled and I am losing my self one piece at a time, with every taco I eat. The interesting, fun loving, intelligent musical Brook Ann the Great, is becoming this shallow, non human entity that barely exists form one day to the next, doing nothing stimulating or progressive, just trying to keep Eva alive, and protected from Rabid dogs, and bug bites.

So we go to the church because Justino has a bunch of President stuff to do, and the ward is having a Christmas “charla” basically a message about the Savior and then refreshments. Justino comes out in the hall and tells me that the person who is supposed to give the message didn’t come, and I have to do it. Great timing since I am feeling abandoned by God, and completely indifferent to the Savior, who is supposed to lighten my load, but did I mention I am still sick and dying pregnant because I followed his plan for my life. He could at least help Eva nap like normal children her age instead of sending me a daughter who is a sleep handicap, and still doesn’t sleep through the night or sleep more than an hour a day. He couldn’t let her be a docile low key child either, she has to be a monkey that gets into everything and throws tantrums when I stop her. Not to mention that he knows about every job in the world, and yet we still don’t have one, despite the fact that we are nearly out of money and the only thing we have been doing down here is serving in HIS church, FOR FREE! Yeah I was thrilled to think that I had to give some uplifting spiritual message about the Savior when want I feel like saying is “Look do your own thing because His way is about the most excruciating way you can think of, and by the way while you are dying of the pain filled life that he has “blessed” you with Buck up and give thanks because it is for your own good, and if you don’t whine about it, you get to live with him who has punished you for eighty years forever. Whoopee! “

So we sing the opening song and I am wracking my brain about what to say, and then someone says the opening prayer and the time is mine, and I open my mouth and start to BS, about I don’t know what, and then something happened and the spirit filled my mouth with what He wanted me to say, and I hear myself saying that he was born in a humble stable to teach us to be humble, and then he died for us, to fulfill the Fathers will, and again we have to learn to submit to the Father will as he did. And what a glorious time of year this is to remember Him, and progress. And I read in Mosiah 3:3-5 how King Benjamin sees an angel and the angel tells him of the “tidings of great joy” that is that the Savior is going to come into the world, and that King Benjamin has to tell his people that they might “rejoice and have joy” And I ask the ward members why they think that the Saviors life and birth are tiding of great joy, and why we can rejoice because of his birth and life. And then humility of their answers humbled me. They expressed gratitude for life, one day at a time, and repentance, for His gospel. Mexicans have a way of being so grateful for each day. As a people they have a reverence for each new day. They said it with such sincerity that I was truly touched because I had been plagued with a bad attitude. I haven’t been thankful for one more day of life, repentance or the gospel because I wanted to be grateful for my really nice house, for fine restaurants that I eat at with my family, ( that don’t serve beans or tortillas) I want to be grateful for books and things and all the trinkets that come at Christmas. None of which I have.

But what do I have. The best husband in the world, the most beautiful daughter in the world, ( monkey as she may be) Another monkey on the way, who might not be a sleep handicap. Parents who love me. The best friends a girl could ask or, who love me from far away. A safe place to live, the opportunity to go to the Christmas charla and get my attitude adjusted.

I finished and as we sang the final song I remember the experience that I had when I went on trek the summer of 2005. ( Trek is a week long excursion that our Church puts on for the youth where we divide up into to families leaders are called to be “parents” to ten teenagers, and then we dress up like our pioneer ancestors and walk 30 miles the first day, pulling handcarts, through difficult terrain, eating very little and then camp and live as much like they did as we can. It always turns out to be really awesome, and super spiritual week) I did it three times as a youth, but the last time I went I was not thrilled to be there. I was tired, and out of shape, and the whole time thinking, “why am I doing this AGAIN?” One night we had a message from a young man who told the stories of his pioneer ancestors, who first came to the states form England, and then who made the journey with the early members of the Church to the Salt Lake Valley. Along the way all of their children died, then this brother lost his wife. Parts of his journal were read,, and then the young man posed the question, “Why would they choose to go through such hardship?” He answered reading the testimony of his ancestor who said, “I continued through my deep grief because I know that Jesus is the Chirst” He said much more, but those word struck me that day. That is the reason that I went on trek in 2005, because I have a testimony of Jesus Christ, and I was asked to do so by his servants. Tonight in a small chapel in Martinez de la Torre, I thought again of that summer night in the mountains of Utah, when I felt renewed to do a hard thing because of my Savior. A surge of hope ran through me as I felt a renewal again as I thought of my Savior. As I thought of how he has never let me down in the past, and how even though I have felt forsaken and abandoned, I know I am not, because he has never let me before and I believe he won’t this time. Again the wonderful people of this horrible ugly small town have taught me such a powerful lesson about what to be grateful for and where to keep my focus. I forget so easy. Merry Christmas.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

This is a picture of our Thanksgiving dinner. I thought we weren't going to do anything to celebrate Thanksgiving, but we put something together last minute. We woke up this morning and went to the flea market, where the favorite buy of the day was two pounds of the most beautiful strawberries I have ever seen for 20 pesos.
( that's $2 USD) Also bought potatoes for the feast later.

I bought a roasted chicken because the only way to buy a turkey here is alive, and then I would have had to kill it, pluck it, gut it, and cook it. GET REAL. Not only do I not have the stomach for that this week, I also don't have a pan big enough or an oven, so that was pretty much off the table. When we went to get the chicken Justino got excited about some ribs they had for sale, so we bought chicken and ribs instead of turkey.

I made mashed potatoes, but gravy doesn't exist in this country and since I didn't actually cook the chicken I had no drippings to do it from scratch, so I bought the closet thing I could find which was a cream of chicken and mushroom soup by campbells. It wasn't too bad.

I bought rolls, and then forgot to put them out so we will be having chicken sandwiches tomorrow.

We had corn, no stuffing or cranberry sauce. It was all about basics. There is also no pie here. I could have made one, like a chocolate cream, or banana cream since Jello is big here, but again, no dishes or oven, so I bought a "Pay de Queso" which is like a less rich, not quite as decadent version of a cheesecake. The best part was the coke.

My father in law came. Two hours late, which worked out because we only have two plates. He didn't eat pie, so more for me.

It all happened fast and was pretty anti climatic. I was trying to be grateful, in light of the day, but wasn't really feeling it until later when we went to see a sister from the church, and she invited us in. She has two small girls, ages 1 and 3. Her husband is a nice, decent guy and there is a loving feeling in there home.

It was looking around her house that gratitude filled me. We walked through a sheet that is hung as the only door, onto dirt floor. One room constitutes their whole house. We sat on a bench that came out a van that is the couch. The table is a rusty old refrigerator turned on it's side, and a newer smaller model sits precariously one one end so as not to rest in the dirt. She has a camp stove just like mine, and another small table to one side where she works. She was so excited for us to visit, and immediately insisted that she cook for us.

Such a gesture really touched me, because often we have visitors come to our house and I would love to cook for them, but am almost always intimidated by my toy kitchen and unless I have something already made, I fall back on the excuse that I don't have the space or the dishes to entertain. She made gorditas for us. They are like a fat tortilla with salsa and cheese, that you eat like an open faced sandwich. They were good.

As we waited for her to cook, I examined the structure of the house. One wall was concrete, and the other three where big cardboard boxes that had been flattened out and nailed together. I am not sure what the roof was made of, but it seemed to be at least a pretty solid protection form the rain. It was raining and I didn't get wet.

Behind the couch was the small bed where the whole family of four sleep. Eva and her two girls jumped relentlessly on the bed and laughed and loved it. They kept jumping from the bed to the couch, to the floor. I was mortified at all the dirt that they were tracking up on the bed, and I kept trying to clean off Eva's feet. Finally the sister told me, that it didn't matter, that they were used to the dirt, and she would clean it off before they went to bed. I was also horrified at the bugs that were all over the bed. They were new bugs that I had never seen. Look like a thinner fly with six spider legs, they were crawling and flying all over the bed. I just kept praying that they didn't bite and if they did that Eva wouldn't get bit. Last Sunday she got bit by something on her finger and it is still twice it's normal size and below the bottom knuckle is red and feels like she has a gum ball shooved under her skin.

Eva face and hands where covered in dirt by the time dinner was served. Justino looked at me and told me not to put any food in her hands, as to by pass the dirt, and head right for her mouth. That didn't go over so well, and before I could do anything about it she was eating fist fulls of dirt covered bean gorditas. She loved it, ate like a champ and had a ring of mud around her mouth by the time she finished.

As we walked home to what now seems like a palace, I finally felt the gratitude that one should have on this day. Every year for some time now I have made a list of 50 things I am thankful for, and as I think back on those lists I don't think I was ever thankful for the basics, like food, and flooring, and clean water. It never crossed my mind to be thankful for those things, because I had never given one thought to the possibility of life without them. Now I have seen what some people live without, and I am so grateful for the floor in my apartment, that is not dirt. I am so grateful for the walls that are not cardboard. I am so grateful for that sweet sister who is so happy and gracious even without those things.

I don't think I have ever given much thought to the first Thanksgiving. A day originally celebrated for a good harvest. They were in a new land, and they were grateful that they had enough to sit down with their families and new friends and eat. I bet they didn't have fancy china. I bet their kids ran around and played in the dirt, and even got bitten by a few bugs in the new world. But they recognized their blessings, and founded a day all about that. I woke up today ungrateful and focused on missing the extravagance that is Thanksgiving in my house. I am going to bed grateful and humble to be like the pilgrims, in a new land with new friends, and with my husband and daughter, and for the blessings I have. I truly have enough, not alot, but enough. I am so grateful for that.

A less than perfect post about three significant events

I have decided that although I have had the perfect post in mind to address the following three significant events, I have found myself in the last three days without the strength to carry it all out. SO instead of delaying all the good news any longer, I will settle for the less than perfect post, that lacks pictures and is several days overdue.

1. My angel sister in law sent me the last installment of the wonderful Harry Potter series, and as I have been without books since I read the last ones she sent me, in August, I devoured it in two days. There are some perks to being sick, and now I hope it will be obvious why I haven't been on the computer as often as usual. I loved it by the way.

2. I GOT AN AUTOMATIC REAL LIVE, MADE IN THE STATES WASHING MACHINE. This news really merits it's own post. I had it all planned out, but due to illness the photos didn't get taken, and now I have had the washer running since Sunday, and it seems all very anti climatic. However, late or not, the fact that my hand washing days are over is not only extremely timely, in light of #3... wait we are getting there, but the most grateful bliss I have felt in since I got to Mexico. I even got, thanks to a neighbor downstairs moving, hookups for the washer. The original plan was to fill it with buckets. I still trek to the roof to hang dry, but oh the wonderment of being able to wash and sweep the floor, or take a nap, or cook lunch or WHATEVER at the same time, because there is a machine sweating and getting wet in stead of me as the clothes are scrubbed clean. I am so happy. I love my new washer. It also has magical powers because the first night I was here, some other neighbors that were moving tried to steal my new beautiful new toy, and my washer woke the up a wonderful soul who confronted the thief. He played dumb and said that he thought that was his wives washer. As if my new perfect in every way washer could be his wife's old beat up piece of junk that wasn't even hooked up. How rude. The worse part is that the thieving scum is a member of the Mexican AFI, ( like the FBI) supposedly employed to catch the bad guys, but like much of the law enforcment and security of this country, he is actually the bad guy him self.

3. Now for the biggie. The presence of an interesting unmistakable group of symptoms, and the absence of something else, it is has become quite clear that I am pregnant. Justino is elated and excitedly making this announcement, so I thought I better make it official. I estimate that my due date is July 16. I am not excited about being pregnant in a little town where there is grossly inadequate health care available to me, and where the idea of refrigerating meat is only sometimes embraces, ( the smell really sends me over the edge in my current state). But I have a washer, and the weather is cooling off, so I think I will survive. I am haunted every day thinking of having this baby without Justino, which unless we get our miracle by July will have to be the case, because I am not going to have to apply for legal status of another member of my family, so I will have to return to the states for the birth. Jusitno says that at least something in out life isn't hanging in the clutches of cursed limbo, and he is right. Our family is progressing. We are now waiting for one more member of our family. And that truly does bring us joy. Our stake president said in stake conference that joy is different from happiness. He said that joy is eternal and happiness is fleeting. He said that our happiness will rarely be complete because of the nature of this life, but we can have joy in our trials as we rely on the Lord. I am not very happy. I am sick, and scared and I don't want to face what is coming up. But I have perfect joy knowing that another beautiful baby is coming to be part of our family. And that is enough for today.

Yes, This really is happening

So yesterday in our stake conference ( a stake is a group of several congregations of our faith that are all in a similar geographic area, presided over by a stake president) I was in charge of the choir. We got there early for the last choir practice and suddenly Justino is telling me that the stake president wants to see me. Why I wonder.... must be about the choir.

So I get in there, and he says, how is the choir? Good... chat chat..... and then he says, "Sister Mora will you support your husband in accepting the call to preside over the Ejidal Branch?"
( Branch is a small congregation, Ejidal is the neighborhood, or area we live in, in Martinez de la torre, and where all the other members of the branch live) "We would like him to be the new Branch President?" ( a voluntary position that entails overseeing all the spiritual and logistical progress of our branch)

I am thinking, NO WAY will I support him in this calling! This is such a HUGE repsonsiblity to oversee the whole branch.... besides don't you know that we are leaving soon, dont you know we have no money and no job? Don't you know that our daughter is the biggest distraction there is in our whole branch? but I say...

" Yes president, I will support him" ( tears streaming down my face)

And then I say "President, I am crying because more and more it seems like I will never get back to my country, and more and more we are running out of money, and we have no job. we have gotten some ridiculous offers, and some not so ridiculous offers that would mean working on Sundays, and we have decided that we will Honor the Lords day and serve in His church, but...." he stops me and says,

" I promise you that the Lord has a work for Justino to do in this area, and I promise you that you will be blessed with every needful material thing for your good, and I promise you that you will be taken care of. I also promise you that you will go back to your country, but first the Lord needs you here. Someday you will understand why."

By now I can't even speak I am bawling so hard. Tear that aren't really sad or happy tears. I think tears of finally knowing what God wants us to do. We don't have to keep wondering if we are going home soon, we aren't. We are going to be here for a while. I haven't heard a word from the government since Sept. 28, over a month. Now we can stop waiting. We aren't coming home... yet.... at least not for a while.

Now we know it is going to be a long enough while that it is time to settle down.
This really is happening....Holy shit...
( oh wait I shouldn't say that I am the branch president's wife... hee hee, somethings don't change)

Is this really happening

So we have been looking for work in Martinez for nine months. We have also submitted resumes in Mexico City, Jalapa,Veracruz, Puerto Vallarta. We have received offerers, like... Teaching English, 80 hours a week, weekends a must, $200USD a month. ( note that it cost of meager living here is $400USD.) So we are starving to death and can't make rent and never see each other. No thank you, we'll keep looking. Many other offers that are just about as pathetic, and so we keep looking. Well this week I think we figured something out. Long story short, Good trustworthy friend from church looking for a partner to start a business. We would provide to Martinez, ( our small town) and all the surrounding areas, a magazine and web page where people can list rentals, things they want to sell. From houses to fridges to electronic, whatever. Kind of like a classifies. It is so needed here. Still working out the details but I think it could really go.

Initially I was excited, and began fantasizing about all the things we could afford, a washer, some dishes, I could really use some new shoes, eventually even a house here. How great life would be here if we were really settled here, with a job and a normal life. Something to work for, a dream to go after. And don't forget, for the first time in nine months INCOME!!!! Imagine what we could do if we were actually EARNING money. Then I think of the house full of stuff that I left in the states. My music, my piano, a decent mattress, the most beautiful sleigh crib for Eva, my photo albums, MY BOOKS, I could go and get some of that. Sell the rest that we can't bring, and actually have fully functional kitchen instead of a camp stove two plates, a few forks and knifes, two glasses, and three pans. ( and Mind you I am cooking BIG meals down here, Jusitno is not so easy to feed) I get so excited. Oh the things I could so with all the things I have back int he states.

And then reality hits. Are you really going to settle down in Mexico. Sure great people, fantastic food. Flea Markets, and fresh fruit and veggies cheap all year, fresh juice brought right to my door every morning for only ten pesos, warm weather, on and on. I am truly happy here, but am I really go to start a business here, and actually stay here?

Does God really want me to raise my children without their grandmother, all their aunts and uncles. All of my family is in the states. All of Jusitno's family is in the states. Do we really have to be here so far from our families?

Does God really want me to have more children in a place where cesarean delivery still means cutting the muscles, and a long vertical incision down the middle of my stomach, and then there is the question of weather the child will be an American citizen. The last thing I need is to have to apply for legal status of another member of my family. I will of course not go through that. I can always go home for the birth of another baby, but that means traveling alone with a toddler when I am big and pregnant. and then having the baby without Jusitno, and then having to travel back with a new born and a toddler. I short circuit when I think about it.

And what about education for my children. Does God want me to raise them in a place where there are no books. How am I going to raise children who love to read if there are NO books in this whole town.

Is this really happening?

Hit the Roads Calderon

So one thing that I see alot her that floors me is the lack ofpaved roads. I know I have mentioned it before, but really Mexican Government, can you pull it together enough to pave ALL the roads. I am thinking, hmmm...im my country, first pipes, water sweage etc, then curb and cutter, and then paved roads, THEN houses. These poor people, live in these decent houses, and drive decent cars, and they have to drive over what I have only seen in the mountains on the way to camp in the US. It's not like just in some underdeveloped area, where the most poor people live, are short paved roads. Its everywhere. ANd while I am on the subject, how about drainage! Gutter and Storm drains we things that I never though about until I noticed her that is rains for ten minutes and we have a river for a street. I literal river.

The other morning I took Justino to paint this really beatiful house, and I was totally four wheeling to get to it. And I see this woman walked from her house to the main road. She is dressed very professionally, and then I look at her shoes. She is wearing these beautiful elegant heels, and HIKING to get to the main road to take a bus or taxi to work. I am thinking, only hiking boots are fit to brave this terrain, not stelettos! I can't believe what I took for granted!

moments of parenthood

Tonight Justino turns to me and says, " I now know how it is possible for some people to kill their own children." I laugh, but in some sick way TOTALLY relate. We are 20 minutes into a forty minute drive, Eva has been screaming for 15 minutes. We still have a long way to go and the siren in the back seat is angry because she doesn't like her car seat. So I am deaf and wondering, seriously wondering why my mother never told me what a curse children are, and for that matter why there are so many children being born everyday, especially to parents that already have children and know what a punishment they are. I mean really what is this kid good for? Just to make my life hell. That is all she does. Pain, sorrow, weeping wailing, gnashing of teeth!! I don't even love this devil in my car, not even a little bit......

Then Justino turns on the radio and the satanic child in the backseat starts to dance, and laugh at rhythm. And she is shaking her shoulders and bobbing her head, and suddenly she is the most delightful creature I have ever laid eyes on. Justino looks at me and says, " How did we get the most beautiful child ever on earth." And I say i don't know... I really don't know, but she IS the most beautiful child ever on earth. And now it all Joy, and laughter and love and happiness...

Parenthood, what a trip!

Don't Cry, It;s gong to be ok

Much has been floating around in my head the last few days, mostly a battle to keep my socks up about our current situation, but I feel a little like Eva did in this picture. I was sure that I had received personal revalation that we would receive a miracle concerning our case by the first week of October, ( General Conference for our church) but to no avail. The absence of such a miracle has prompted much thought on understanding the way the God answers prayers. I am continually taught the same lesson, that I think I learn, until it comes time to live what I have learned, and then I don't quite do it, and then God teaches me again. I have said before that I believe that our work here on earth is to learn to be in tune with our Father, and submit our will to His. I struggle to submit because I have my life perfectly planned out, and His plan keeps getting in the way. That God what a kidder.

In meantime, I am still hopeful to come home some day, and in the meantime hoping that we can settle down here a bit. Since February we have not had employment, and we have just been "hanging out" waiting for the US government to send us home. Although we have had some beautiful experiences beintg together ALL THE DAMN TIME, and serving in our church callings, this chapter is closing and we have to move on. For one thing we are almost out of money, and we need to feel settled. Limbo is a horrible place to live, and we have been there now for nine months. Tomorrow Justino has a job interview in the capitol city Veracruz, and we are hopeful that he will get it and we will relocate there. I am excited because there is a Costco there, and a Walmart, and a Sears and BOOK STORES!!!!!! Not to mention many fast food chains that I have missed deeply.

Justino has been painting houses for 130 pesos a day. That is $13 a day people. A nine hour day for $13 dollars, no wonder 8000 illegal immigrants a day go over the border. I think a large part of the problem for us is that we are in this LITTLE town. Charming as it may be, it is time to move on... Moving on is sad, when one is moving in a differnt direction that one hoped. I told Jusitno last night that I don't know where we will be, but I know we will be ok. I guess that is what God wants me to know, because that is all he is telling me at the moment. So I guess for now that will have to be enough.

The Land of the Free

This week Justino and I drove to the border to renew the permission given to us by the Mexican government to have our truck in this country. We went to Matamoros, right over the border from Brownsville Texas. We left Eva with a friend from church, and I was looking forward to some time without her, and a fun road trip with Justino. We were blessed with success on getting the permit and safety as we traveled, but the trip was a blaring reminder that we want to go home.
Three relatively small events robbed me of the peace that I had recently found about settling permanently here. Standing alone each of these events were small and could be argued insignificant, but all together coupled with the fatigue and expense of the journey ( keep in mind we are still unemployed) made me ache and wonder what God wants us to do, and make me wonder why we are still here.
The first was at the office of immigration, and the officer asked me for a customs slip that had been granted to my brother in law when he was given the first permit on the truck. I didn't have it and was worried because the officer said that I couldn't get the permit without turning in that slip. Well he then proceeded to tell me that if I would put " a little somthing" in my passport and pass it back to him, he would overlook that I had not turned in the customs slip. In the moment I was grateful for the informality of the Mexican government, because I didn't have the slip and I knew to get it would be a pain, so I was happy to slide a $20 bill in the passport, and get the paperwork from him that I needed. He then was super friendly chatting with me about the Jazz, and other small trivia he knew about Utah, and I was on my way.
The second was the fake walmart that I found in Matamoros. Note that since I have been here in small, OH SO VERY SMALL, Martinez de la Torre, I have longed for stores like Walmart. A place where you can buy absolutely anything for CHEAP. There are no discount stores here. I was doubly excited because along with there being no discount stores here there are NO, not even one place, to buy books. It still baffles me that I live in a city where no one reads. I have been dying to read the last Harry Potter book, and imagine my delight when I found it there. My glee was immediately dashed when I saw the price. 500 pesos, that is $50 US dollars. Get real, like I can afford that. For an instant I thought of stealing it. Don't worry I came to my senses and I left empty handed. Broken Hearted I walked to the car, so sad that even though I found what looked like a walmart and smelled like a walmart, I was still in mexico so far away from home.
The third was on our way out of matamoros. We were moving at a snail speed in a line of traffic, and suddenly we were being pulled over. Justino was driving and he does not have a license. His Utah license expired in may, and because driving here with no license is rarely an issue he has not gotten a new one. ( by the way, I have been on his case about doing it, and he hasn't, He needs to have it) So we asked the officer why he was pulling us over, and he won't tell us. Clearly not speeding or breaking the law AT ALL, he just got lucky that Justino's license was expired. Justino told him to give him the ticket. Well he doesn't want to give him a ticket. Here if you get a ticket you are escorted to the office to pay immediately and the fine is 150 pesos. He said that the office to pay the ticket was an hour away, and he didn't want to make the journey, and knew we didn't. So, he asks Justino to step out of the car, and then he tell him that it wouldn't be polite to ask in front of his wife, but if he will give him 100 pesos, then he will let us go. Justino paid him, and then I had to drive. I was irate!!!! Clearly he pulled us over because he needed some money for lunch. Because it was cheaper and more convenient we played along, but the cylce continues. The Mexican people, in this case MY HUSBAND, don't value or regard the law because they know that it will never be enforced due to the corruption in the police force. Thus, crime is high, and an overall attitude of informality is bred into society. The cops aren't the only ones, the politicians are worse.
These are the things that are screwing the hard working Mexican people. These are the things that make earning a living here so difficult. This is the mentality that makes it ok for the government here to steal the tax dollars instead of paving the roads and providing clean water. This is the machine the drives the economy here in the toilet. I look around and see more natural resources than I can imagine. Fruit and oil in such abundance. I am stunned that this country isn't so rich. But this corruption keeps it's citizens in bondage. This is why my friend silvia doesn't have running water and has to leave her small children to bring water, even though she live a half a block down the street from me. The government can't afford to run the pipe all the way down the street if the dirty politicians are stealing half of the funds. This is why my friend Franky who has a masters degree to teach has crossed the border three times, to earn money to buy his plaza. Here it is not enough to be educated, you have to come up with 50,000 DOLLARS, not pesos, to buy your classroom and then the government will let you teach. Frankie makes 220 pesos a day painting houses. That is 22 USD, and he could make that in an hour in the states. No wonder they are all crossing the border. I ranted at Justino, because I am not used to this. In my country the road gets paved before the houses are even built. In my country you only have no water if you live on the top of a mountain in a tent, and the only reason you can't drink tap water is if you are SO sophisticated that you have to buy your water, or for the mere convenience, not because you will be sick if you do. In my country you can have ANYTHING if you are willing to work for it. The Mexican people I know, work harder than any American I have ever met, and so many of them have SO SO little.
All my life I heard that I lived in a free country, and I never really knew what that meant. When I left my country I was angry at the imperfect system there that denied my husbands visa. I was disgusted at the small amount of money that our servicemen make, and so many other things that aren't right about our system. I distrusted the government. I know that the US government is not perfect. My life is evidence of that. But I am grateful for the good things they do. I am grateful for the clean water, and paved roads and the constant electricity and all the things that I thought we just part of everyone's life. Now that I live here I know that they are not, and they are such luxuries that i took so for granted. There is much about Mexico that I love and I want my children to know the good of this country and especially the good of this people. But I am an American. My whole family is there, Justino's whole family is there. Please Dear God send us back to the land of the free.

life is Good

Well I haven't posted for a couple of weeks, and thought I would just let everyone know that I live so good here. I have just spent the afternoon with a lady I met at church. She is close to my age, and has three kids. Her youngest is almost one. She moved here from Jalisco about the same time I did, and talking to her makes me realize how good I've got it. She lives in a room, with no running water. She has to bring her water from a well nearly a block away to wash. It's hard enough to wash by hand, let alone, not having water accessible. And what do you do with the one year old while you truck loads of water back home to wash. It is so hot in her house I thought I was I was going to sweat to death and it wasn't even hot today. She has a five year old, and she has to walk him to and from school eveyday. Today her one year old was sick, but she still had to make the trek, because the 5 yr old can't miss school. I walked with her. SHe is great to talk to, and so nice. Mostly I like to talk to her because she is real. She says it like it is. We talk about kids. I ask her how long her youngest sleeps and how much he eats and what he eas. SHe says he sleeps when he is tired and eats whatever I have to give him when he is hungry. I thought, wow what a novel idea. I am always trying to get eva on the perfect schedule and make sure she is eating exactly what is indicated on the chart put out by the National Heart Association. It makes me think that I am stressing over something that naturally should happen. Or maybe it's because I come from a world that is so convenient that I have to much time on my hands to worry about stuff like that. She is not worrying about what he eats or when or how long he sleeps. She is worrying that he doesn't get hurt while he is alone while she is off to get water. Or worried that she will have enough to feed him. Justino says that Eva wastes more food than he had growing up. How sad is that. I mean seriously. And now I come home to what americans would call humble and it is a palace compared to where she lives. And it is cool, and I can bathe eva inside now, because the boiler go fixed, and all the while I am thinking, here I am, so much better off than most people who live here. I can' believe how spoiled I am, and all Americans I know are. It make me want to give away everything I own, to help. The real irony is, that because they work so hard, and have so little they are like the most Christlike wonderful people in the world. ANd when I think about that, it makes me wonder if I am really so much better off, because they got what I am striving for. A reverence and gratitude for life, and a level spirituality that not only is the key to salvation, but the key to being happy everyday. They have so little, and yet they are so happy. I am truly in awe, as I think about the simple depth of these people. I am so grateful, that I got to come and learn from them. wow.

Eva the Beautiful

Independence Day

Well we missed the GRITO, which is where everyone gets together and yells, VIVA MEXICO, because they start the celebration the night before, and Eva wasn't feeling that good, so 10p was alittle late for her to be partying, but we went to the parade on the morning of the 16th, the actual day of Independence. Eva loved the horses and the drums. Although I was disappointed that we didn't get to see more of the celebrations, it was still fun, and we still say, VIVA MEXICO.

Mary Diaz

Today I went to wash some clothes at Mary Diaz’s home. She is the branch president’s wife, and the seminary teacher, and a really amazing lady. She has a washer and I went to use it. As I sat at her home while I waited for the clothes, a deep sense of wonderment and desire to understand came over me. Only one room in her home has a roof, over it, she cooks over a fire, and has only dirt floors. Her daughter Carla has only two t-shirts and neither of them fit. Mary told me that she knows how to sew but can’t afford a machine. She sewed Carla’s Uniform for school, a wool skirt, BY HAND. A pleated wool skirt, are you kidding me?

She cooked as we talked and I waited, and she had puppies around her feet laying in the dirt, and flies everywhere. But she moved and worked like a dance, she controlled the flames of the fire as easily as I turn a knob to reduce the heat on an electric stove. She automatically covers every thing so that the flies don’t get in, and she moves the hot pan over the rising flames with her bare hands as if it wasn’t hot at all. I asked her if she gets burned, and she said, simply, No.

She is a short fat little lady, with short hair that she gels up so it looks darling and stylish, but she wears an old t shirt with the neck cut out, and a very old worn skirt. She speaks pure truth, and doesn’t mince her words, and when she laughs it reminds me of how I think santa would laugh if he were real. Her head falls back and she laughs from a deep sincere part of herself, it brings forth a sound that really makes me feel happy, and it is obvious that she is truly a happy person.

All day every I think about my home. I think about carpet and cars and washers and dryers and microwaves, and TV’s and cable, and paved streets, and running water, and electricity, and hot water, and what an EASY EASY life I had there, and I want to go back. But I wonder if I was ever as happy as Mary’s Laugh. Truly sincerely joyful. And I wonder what wrong with me. Why am I so weak? I want to be as tough and as happy as Mary, but I am not. I am not because I was born in an easy. I think as Americans go, I am pretty tough, but I am weak sauce compared to Mary.

Who is better? Well no one is better than anyone else, Right? I believe that. But why was I born to the ease and comfort and Opportunity, I am stunned when I think about the opportunity, and she was born here. why can she work circles around me, and I am a weak and pathetic compared to her. But why was I allowed the chance to develop my talents, and enjoy every comfort that life has to offer, aind she doesn't even have a floor in her house.

She is a talented seamstress and pianist, but she wasn’t born to parents that paid for a weekly lesson with the finest teachers in the state since she was five years old. Nor did she have the luxury to practice the piano everyday after school, because she had to work. Work hard to live and survive and keep her family going. And now her children are the only ones in the church besides me that play the hymns, but they are self taught, and don’t know the names of the notes or the symbols, they just get the notes off the page. And her oldest son wants to go to high school, but it is not free here, and so he doesn’t get to go. And he works, all day and then goes to the church to play the piano.

I guess who is better off is the real question. She doesn’t know a different life, and she has developed the gift of being happy in the life god gave her. And her life if is not about things, its about people and giving and serving and working hard, and I know that is why she is happy, she is focused on the things that make you happy. Carpet and microwaves are nice, but they don’t really make you happy. They make a walk through the living room nicer and serving left overs easier but they don’t really give you true joy, like Mary has. So I guess she is better off. Because it is so easy to forget what truly makes you happy and what truly matters when life is so easy.

Temple Trip

This is the Vera Cruz temple. We left our apartment at 345am, and got on a bus with
other members of our branch and a neighboring ward at 4a. We arrived at temple a little after 8am. we did a sessions and sealings and spent a long time in the celestial room. We left about 3p. What a beautiful day in the temple. I wanted to leave with a more clear idea of what we need to do and how long we will be here, but I didn't get that. Just peace. At the end of it all, that was enough.

Top Ten August 31

10. eva is walking!!!
9. we have fianlly come into the rainy season, seriouly more rain than I have ever seen, and they have a really poor drainage system, so the streets become rivers in a really short time. I have been grateful for my plastic croc's and short pants.
8. Jusitno was put in the bishopric. I think I may have already posted that, but some people don't know.
7. I went to the store in a bus, ALL BY MYSELF, and then talked the taxi driver down 10 pesos, so I didn't have to ride it back. A serious personal triumph.
6. We have been teaching with the missionaries at night, and met a great young mother named Silvia. She has three kids, and is really down to earth and cool. Seriously seeking truth and has been to church twice.
5. Our case has been transfered from Attorney General's office to Department of Homeland Security, and Juliann our contact in Hatch's office, has been in touch with Micheal Chertoff. directot of DHS, still no timeline, and still no word, but we're praying for a visa THIS year.
4. Learning a lot about what faith really is, submitting the will of the Father, even if it means living in Mexico with NO IDEA what your future holds, and trusting him enough that peace overides the panick. I think I understand it, I am not sure I have it completely. Every day is a new struggle, but onward we march one day at a time.
3. Justino is really longing to work. We are still agressively looking and not finding. Somedays I am sure that means we are going home soon. We are praying that is the case.
2. Eva loves her shoes now. Last week she learned how to take them off, and she threw them off the balcony onto the neighbors water tank. I looked for two days before I fianally found them. Crazy Eva, she is so bootiful.
1. We are still alive here in sunny, actually rainy mexico. WE love you Brook

Hurricane Dean

Today I braved Hurricane Dean. It hit in Nautla, a beach town near here, about a thirty minute drive. I saw rain and wind like I couldn’t have even imagined before today. We had no power, or water. The phones were off and on, we were left to wait, and watch and ponder the amazing power of God.We are all fine, and didn’t lose anything as a result of the storm, but the devastation to most of Martinez was truly humbling. The roofing on many parts of our apartment building were blown off. We are grateful that our roof is concrete, unlike others that have a metal slats. Many of the tenants here we left without a roof. There is a house right in front of our building was left completely without a roof. On the corner, there lives a lady that comes to clean our building. Her roof was also lost, and her walls are carton and so she was left with a mound of muddy possessions, where her humble house once was.We drove through town and there were ENORMOUS trees uprooted, and window broken. The river is huge and swift. There are many stores with their large glass window blown out. The most amazing site was a club ( Club de Leones) that was used for parties and other gatherings that had completely lost its roof.

Top Ten August 15

Some of you may have noticed that these Top Ten entries are starting to be farther and farther apart. Quite truthfully it is because moments when I feel positive enough to write one have also started to really space out. I had a glimmer a few days ago, that was extinguished before I could get to the computer, but today I am doing ok, have had a pretty good day so far, so here it is

10. My birthday sucked. We were invited to a wedding, and the only thing I wanted to do was dance with Justio and eat cake. The two days prior were stake YM/YW camp, so I took Eva to my sister in laws, and planned on leaving her there while we went to camp, and while we spent a glorious day alone on my birthday. Well, NOT SO MUCH. We called to check on her Friday night when we got home from camp, and she had been screaming for hours. Jusitno went straight to get here. I was gald she was ok, when we got her home, but sad that our day was seriously compromised. We determied to go to the wedding anyway, but we got there at 9p, and the bride and groom had not arrived, It was a great party, but dinner didn't start until 1030, and by the time we ate Eva was hysterical. We left before the dancing and the cake started. The next day they told us they danced until 4am. That would have been so fun. But the good news is, that they also brought us some leftover cake, and Justino and I danced in our apartment. It was ok, afterall.

9. Camp was an experience, it was like 120 degrees, and It was a struggle for me. The great part was when we got in the river (see attached photo, I am the orange blob in the river) and the kids had a great time. Justino, being in the stake Young Mens, planned and carried off the whole thing. He was a hero. I was not. I left the first night after not being needed all day, and came home and slept in my own bed, and then slept in, WAY IN.

8. With Eva gone I went to the park in the morning for some breakfast, and found a library. It is small, but I am thrilled. It really seems strange to me that there are such poor facilities for books here. There aren't even book stores. I still can't get over it.

7. After some breakfast I went home and cleaned like a fiend. I scrubbed the walls of my kitchen, and mopped the floors, I cleaned every inch of our place. Then I washed for hours on the roof, and got completely caught up on laundry. I hurt my hand, doing it, and haven't been able to lift anything with that hand since, but it felt good to get caught up.

6. I got an ironing board, I have been ironing on a towel on the floor. I put my foot down, and bought an ironing board.

5. Due to some generous contributions of bday money, on Monday I decided to buy a washing machine. Oh imagine my delight thinking I would not ever have to wash again buy hand. I shopped around, and found one at a good price, but my plans were haulted when we heard from Juliann on Monday after noon.

4. Our case has been sent to Home Land Security. We have learned that due to some new immigration laws, ( I'd like to know how they got any new laws passed and when, but whatever) all of the immigration issues that were under Attorney General's jurisdiction have been sent to DHS. Juliann has been in contact with that office to express Senator Hatch's personal interest in our case. She still has no idea for a time line, but says she'll keep me posted.

3. Eva is walking a lot more. Just in the past two days she has gone from walking three or four steps, to walking all the way across the room. Also many thanks to her aunt Jaquis, who sent her about ten pairs of new shoes this last week.

2. Speaking of Jaquis, my father in law came back from the states to live here for a while. Jaquis sent with him my Harry Potter books. I am way behind I haven't even read the 6th, but now I have it. I am re-reading 4 and 5 because it has been so long, it has been so nice to have a book to read.

1. I have been depressed, and realized that it was because I had decided how I thought God should have worked this all out, and once again he is not doing what I want him to. You'd think after no visa in February I would have learned that he thinks my ideas are stupid and always does his own thing. Anyway, I have really come to a place where I know that what I need to do is SUBMIT to His will. Granted knowing that and doing that are two different things, but momemt I am working on that. I hope you all are well, I miss you, and I miss american food. Please eat some for me, paticularly cookies, and Olive Garden. Brook

Naughty Eva

Nothing Like Scuddling Daddy's Church books outside, and then she dumped out a kilo of black beans on the floor. SHE IS MY BOOTIFUL TINY!

Aug 3 2007 TOP TEN

So here we are the long awaited date, and do you believe it? NO NEWS FROM THE GOVERNMENT! Typical, really, but still disappointed. I have been so depressed this week, really bitter, angry, beyond sad, is more descriptive and accurate. I don't know if you noticed that I didn't even write a top ten last week. But here we go again, I think I have surfaced enough to muster the positivity to write this again, so her goes...10. On Mon the 23 I went to the red cross here and they took out an ingrown toenail that I have had for months. I looked into having it done in the states while I was home, and it costs hundreds of dollars with no insurance, so I thought I could stick it out. Not so much It was a little more aggressive here, but it cost 7 dollars, 70 pesos, NO PROBLEM!!

9. Two Sundays ago they out Jusitno in the bishopric. They interviewed him during sacrament meeting and sustained him ten minutes later. The stake president said that in other wards often a lot of prayer and fasting is needed because so many people could do the job, but he laughed as he said that in our small branch the choice is so obvious, that no prayer is required, and said he was sorry that the counselors kept leaving the stand. After every one thrilled, and I was angry. No one asked me if I would give away my husband for MORE church work, as if a stake calling and four ward callings wasn't enough, he didn't get released from any others, by the way, He took me home and spent the whole day at the church. I prayed and swore at God, and told him how angry I was with Him, He sent me to the scriptures and D and C 100 comforted me. Especially when it says that Zion is chastised for a time but will be redeemed, or something like that, it means we will be home someday.

8. I also got the feeling that I need to make my life more conducive to it being just me and Eva, so we rigged some gates around the stairs so that she can crawl outside and not die, and that has been really fun for her. She is still not walking, she stands alone, and takes a few steps but still

not walking, but really have you seen a cuter baby?

7. I got mad at Justino one day last week and so I ran away, and drove all the way to the beach by myself. It took an hour and a half, and I was triumphant that I knew the way and didn't get lost. It was very healing. I need to be alone. That baby never leaves my sight. I am a little sick of here, and her dad.
6. On the 24th I was said that I was missing the party, and wanting to feel American so we bought a dominoes pizza. It was fun.

5. I went to the grocery store alone at 10p the other night to buy food. Another personal, all by myself, triumph. By the way that is not the time to shop here, I waited in line for like 30 minutes. When I go at 9 in the morning, there are no lines. Mexican are night owls.

4. This Sunday I cooked for the whole bishopric and their families, gotta love crock pots, we had chicken legs and frijoles charros. SO GOOD, I was really impressed with my Mexican cooking skills, so were the members. We ate at the church and then I went home. Justino was there until seven. The poor other counselor lives so far away that his family has to come and stay with him the whole day. I can't believe the way members sacrifice here. Church is so hot, that I rarely feel the spirit with sweat in my eyes, and I just sat there Sunday and thought about how nice the chapels are in Utah, and how close to home they are for every body. IF you live in Centerville you can throw a rock at your church. WOW I miss that.

3. After the marathon that is Sunday, Justino and I laid in bed all day and played with Eva and watched "Friends". At one point I turned to him and said, " Remember when we lived in Mexico and we laid in bed all day and watched friends and we were so sad and missing the states, and longing to work, don't you wish we could go back there?" We both had a teary cry and got some perspective.

2. The flea market on Thursday has been on my top ten lots before, but I LOVE it so much. This week I took pictures. Someday I am really going to miss Thursday mornings.

1. In the middle of writing this we had a HUGE thunder storm. The maids downstairs started yelling, they call me Justino, because they don't know my name, because I had clothes on the line. Jusitno is visiting his sister, with Eva, and I am having a break. In a panic I ran upstairs and took down the clothes. The water hadn't come yet but the thunder was shaking the building. I got the clothes down just in time, and then the biggest fattest wettest rain began to fall, and something old inside of me came alive. A part of me that has been stifled by adulthood, and motherhood, and third- world-country hood, and I stood in the rain in my white night gown and gloried in the rain, until I was so wet that I slipped down the stairs to my apartment. It was like God had sent a cleanse for my truly troubled soul. I have been hurting so deeply, and he washed it all away. And for a minute I didn't have to wash by hand, or kill cockroaches, I was just me in the rain. And when it was all over, Brook Ann the Great was back.

Top Ten July 22

10. It is Saturday night and I am finally up and at it again. I have had a bad back all week. I went to a mexican healer, who rubed my back into place, then wrapped me in an ace bandage. I can't decide if it was a hoax that this guy actually fixed me and I would have been better by now anyway, but we decided to take that route becaeu the American Trained Doctor that i was thinking about seeing was four times as much money. At any rate. I am ok.
9. As we walked arougd the flea market this week buying our produce I felf overwhelmingly happy and really impressed that I should cherish this cool experience becaseu it will be over soon. Who knows what that means, I am starting to learn that God and I don't really have the same definition for words. SOon to me and soon to him, are quite different.
8. Justino has been really urgent about finishing all the geneolgy that he can before we leave. He has also felt that are time is limited here and he will regret it when we get to the states if he doesn't have all the work done. Again it makes me hope that we will be out of here soon, but there is that work, again, SOON.
7. Eva is almost walking. She took 11 steps the other day, and that so far is her personal best.
6. I might of mentioned it last week, but I did all my laundry at a sister in the ward's house. She has a washer, and it was a dream. If I did mention it last week, it is so worth mentioning again.
5. Justino and I were sad on the Friday, the 20 becuase we knew the family was at the parade and the fireworks, so we tried to feel extra american and we went to Dominos and bought a pizzza. While we were waiting a barefoot handicapp child asked me for money. He was so dynamic and yet not pushy, and I was overwhelmed that most of the world lives such a harder life than I do.
4. We have visited Justino's very old, over 100 year old grandmother twice this week. She has been sick, but still helping us with names and dates for geneology. I love the gray hairs of the world. They have so much to offer.
3.Mexico beat the USA in soccer in the Panamericanos games, and we were all sreaming and dancing at the music they play when Mexico scores. Eva was having a riot. She was as excited as Jsutio.
2. And by the way, as many of you saw while Iwas in Utah, Eva loved me the best. That is nno longer the case. She wants nothing to do with me, she wants to be with her daddy every minute She cries when he leaves the room, I can leave no problem. But she is madly in love with Jusitno.
1. We went to eat breakfast on the corner. this lady wakes up at three and cooks until seven then serves breakfast ont he corner. We went down there and it was overcast, as it has been alot this week thank heavens, and Eva sat like an angel on her daddy's lap and ate eggs. It cost us about three bucks to eat awesome food, and I told justino, even thoguth I am missing american food, that is impossible to get here, I will miss those breakfasts on the corner if we ever get home.
Hope you are all well. Love ya