Deeps thoughts from the Laundry

Today I was folding clothes and watching Oprah (yes thank to good old American Network on cable I watch Oprah and Ellen for that matter) Anyway so Oprah was interviewing these FLDS members in this ranch called Return to Zion or something like that. A polygamist situation, one dad, three moms, and nine kids. Funny long prarie dresses, poofy bangs and braids, at first glance these folks are FREAKS. Polgamy makes me want to vomit when I really think about it, and I can't imagine living so secluded and different than the rest of the world.

But as Oprah interviewed the wives and the husband and the kids, and the teens that live on the ranch, all of them expressed things I could relate to... Like loving their kids, like working hard every day to find simplicity and progression, overcoming weaknesses of the flesh, submission to God's plan for their lives, all things I think about every day. They talked about how horrible it was when their ranch was raided and the kids were taken from their moms. One mother said that she knew the raid was coming and got up and packed each of her children a bag with their clothes with their name on it. SHe said she knew they would be separated. She handed each one their bag kissed them and told them to be sweet and to say their prayers that God would bring them home to her. She said that she handed her baby to her olderst son and told him to take care of his brother, and that was the moment that she wept. My heart broke thinking of that moment.

As I watched I started to wonder if we are too quick to judge livestlyes that we don't understand. All of those interviewed expressed that they are happy living as they do, and choose the lifestyle that they have. Oprah asked the hard questions about marriage and sexual abuse of minors, and the obvious conflicts of polygamy. The anwsers seemed to make sense for those interviewed. Oprah finished her show by saying that inside the ranch she saw well mannered children, happy women, and provident living and then stated that she hoped that there wasn't more going on that the cameras didn't capture. I guess therein lies the real issue. If it is as good for them as they say it is, then I say to each his own. I can't fathom that lifestyle, but lots of people can't fathom mine.

Today I have been thinking about where the line is between necessary judement and interveintion , and where we need to let it be. Such a hard call really. I don't really have any anwsers, but I guess it just renewed to me that life is so not black and white, and it is those gray areas that are just tough to define. Hmmm..... Just made me stop and think.

We still believe in miracles

SO the subtitle of this blog is " We believe in Miracles". When I wrote that originally on this blog I still believed that we would be granted the visa and back in the states shortly, and really if I was being honest at the time I would have written, "We believe ONLY in the miracle of a visa and our return to the states, any other miracle is not in our agenda" Today that is no longer true, we believe in all miracles and I am happy to report that we have recently experienced one.

This miracle has been coming over the past few weeks but has solidified in the past few days. About two weeks ago I found the answer to a spiritual quandary that has been an irritant since we were denied the visa. That in itself could take up several blogs, but the short of it is that I received my answer and it has been so healing that I feel like have lost 500 lbs and I am not the same person. I find myself happy to take care of kids, instead of resentful and tired. I have more energy and I feel so light hearted. I haven't felt light hearted since Feb 7, 2007. It has been so refreshing.

Coupled with a spiritual cleansing, Justino got a promotion and a raise and work, and I got offered a job to teach piano at a music school that is within walking distance of my house. I am loving my house and feeling that it is not only adequate, but cute all at the same time. For the first time in Mexico I have hope that all my needs could be met in this country. I am finding such peace and happiness here.

There is still a small twang of pain when I think about our choice to go back being taken away. I cried in church on Sunday when a member of my ward in Utah surprised me by being at church here. He asked me if there was anything he could do for me before his vacation ended, and I told him to go back to Utah and hug my mother. He rang her doorbell last night and did it for me. Something about seeing him here and it being such a reminder of life lost there, felt a little like picking off a scab. But I have identified that the hurt isn't being in Mexico, it is the ridiculousness of my "free" government putting me in a position where I have to choose between my country or my husband. Because frankly, when I think about it today, I think even with a visa, I would choose Mexico to be my home. And that my friends, considering all that has transpired, is nothing short of a miracle.