Saturday, November 12, 2011

For Crissy because she asked so nice, and I thought about her tonight

Tonight I watched the movie "Catch and Release".  It's a cheesy chick flick about getting real about the past in order to let it go, and moving on to the future.  Cute story, decent message set somewhere in Colorado or Utah in the summer with big mountains and tall pine trees, and all the nature that is at the root of my soul.  Group of friends loses a friend.  They live all together in a cute little small house with architecture that reminds me of a house where my friend crissy lived on 1100 east in SLC.  Pitched roofs and shingles, heavy wooden doors, and hard wood floors, wooden framed-sheet rocked house, quaint, cozy, old and homey.  The group dynamic among this group of young adults reminded me of a flavor I felt in many circles in which I turned once upon a time in my life.  A time long ago, before I spoke spanish or felt accountable to a God for my actions.  A feeling among friends of unity and vitality with an unlying color of very subtle unrest. Nothing to certain or permanent, just living in the moment, for the moment.   But mostly it was the nature... All the trees and woods around that made me long for cayons, mountains, and colored leaves, and outdoor concerts, camping and my thoughtful spot.  All of it seems like more than a lifetime ago.

Now I am surrounded by palms not pines, and ocean instead of mountains.  Now I rarely live for the moment always thinking about how everything I do all day will affect the permanent development of three humans beings, that have been entrusted in my care.  No biggie... Always thinking about having enough money and resourses for tomorrow and planning each waking minute to make sure I get every thing I need to do, done.  Such different days.

I don't even feel like the same person, some days.  But as I felt the trembling of longing in my heart for my land and that landscape and that carefree place in my past I felt the girl I was then face the woman I am now and say,

" You can do this Brook.  The carefree spunky spirit you were then keeps you balanced in the often heavy task at hand.  The girl who grew up learning to camp can make peace with a country where there are always ants on the counter tops, no matter how clean they are, and the solid oak trees and steady tall pines have taken root in your soul.  You are as strong as they are, because your roots are solid.  You can do this."  

Just a minute to experience 'my' nature, and see 'my' land  reminds me who I really am, and where I come from, and even though I miss it, it gives me strength to catch all the good that is coming to my life in a foriegn land, and release any angst that keeps me from doing what I am down here to do.

Love you Utah and everyone there... someday I will be back

PS  Cris, you could look like Jenifer Garner... what do you think?

4 comments:

Fabulous five said...

So glad to read! You are strong! Your family will be blessed for your efforts! You are a strong woman and where the Lord needs you now.

cristin said...

Wow I have never had a blog dedicated to me! I love you Brook and your beautiful family and think about you daily. One of these days I will be able to come and see you wonderful home. I miss you and love you. I am so thankful for the internet that will keep us connected (I am lousy at talking on the phone or writing letters) love you

P.S. I love that movie. And maybe in my dreams I will look like Jennifer Garner :)

Haley and Mitch said...

This made me bawl. You are such a gifted writer, Brook. The way you express how you feel and what you are going through is absolutely inspiring - you are inspiring.. I love you.

Sweet Utah said...

I love this in so many ways and relate to it in a million ways. In fact, I was just thinking recently about the day we passed each other in our cars and stopped to share a moment of those days... and how many moments we've shared through so many of the stages of life. Love you more than my luggage Brook!!