For Crissy because she asked so nice, and I thought about her tonight

Tonight I watched the movie "Catch and Release".  It's a cheesy chick flick about getting real about the past in order to let it go, and moving on to the future.  Cute story, decent message set somewhere in Colorado or Utah in the summer with big mountains and tall pine trees, and all the nature that is at the root of my soul.  Group of friends loses a friend.  They live all together in a cute little small house with architecture that reminds me of a house where my friend crissy lived on 1100 east in SLC.  Pitched roofs and shingles, heavy wooden doors, and hard wood floors, wooden framed-sheet rocked house, quaint, cozy, old and homey.  The group dynamic among this group of young adults reminded me of a flavor I felt in many circles in which I turned once upon a time in my life.  A time long ago, before I spoke spanish or felt accountable to a God for my actions.  A feeling among friends of unity and vitality with an unlying color of very subtle unrest. Nothing to certain or permanent, just living in the moment, for the moment.   But mostly it was the nature... All the trees and woods around that made me long for cayons, mountains, and colored leaves, and outdoor concerts, camping and my thoughtful spot.  All of it seems like more than a lifetime ago.

Now I am surrounded by palms not pines, and ocean instead of mountains.  Now I rarely live for the moment always thinking about how everything I do all day will affect the permanent development of three humans beings, that have been entrusted in my care.  No biggie... Always thinking about having enough money and resourses for tomorrow and planning each waking minute to make sure I get every thing I need to do, done.  Such different days.

I don't even feel like the same person, some days.  But as I felt the trembling of longing in my heart for my land and that landscape and that carefree place in my past I felt the girl I was then face the woman I am now and say,

" You can do this Brook.  The carefree spunky spirit you were then keeps you balanced in the often heavy task at hand.  The girl who grew up learning to camp can make peace with a country where there are always ants on the counter tops, no matter how clean they are, and the solid oak trees and steady tall pines have taken root in your soul.  You are as strong as they are, because your roots are solid.  You can do this."  

Just a minute to experience 'my' nature, and see 'my' land  reminds me who I really am, and where I come from, and even though I miss it, it gives me strength to catch all the good that is coming to my life in a foriegn land, and release any angst that keeps me from doing what I am down here to do.

Love you Utah and everyone there... someday I will be back

PS  Cris, you could look like Jenifer Garner... what do you think?

In Honor of Lace

This is my brother Kouver  and the woman he loves. Her
name is Lace.  I immediately loved her too.  As you can you can see, she is
beautiful.  But what you can't see if that she is talented, creative, intelligent, sensitive,
engaging, compassionate, hard working, intuitive, self reliant, just to name a few.  The best thing
about Lace is that she uses her super long list of qualities to help and bless others.
In her Honor Kouver organized a humanitarian Service project at the Huntsman Cancer Society.  We
wanted to join our efforts with his, by doing a little service of our own here in Cancun.
We decided to pick up trash with the kids, and clean our very filthy street.  

Our team included me, my mom LuAnn,
My friend Sandra, her two children Joshua and Maia
and my three children Eva Sam and Hyrum.
If you were wondering if it was easy to get toddlers to pick up trash in the
blistering heat of the noon day sun, the anwser is YES!  They loved it, and
worked so hard, and had SO much fun. 

They worked together.

They worked alone

They celebrated success

and then they worked some more

And when was all said and done, They were still so HAPPY.  I thought
 a lot about Lace as I watched them delight in bettering the world around them
because as she gracefully moves through life she seems so happy and excited to
better the world around her.  We are so honored and blessed to know her. 

And then since we  "mexicans" are always looking for a reason to
break a Pinata, we joined in Kouver's theme and broke one.  He did his
with the cancer patients, and we invited kids we don't know from the pool.
Each of the kids hit the pinata with a quality that was SO Lace! 

Maia ( 2 yrs old ) was sweet!

Sam (3 yrs old)  was fierce!

Joshua (almost 4yrs) was excited!

Eva ( 5 yrs)  was strong yet lady like...

Hyrum ( 5 months) was interested in learning something new.

Sandra was tough!

And when no one could break it Grandma was determined.

And the spoils were sweet!

WE LOVE YOU LACE!  HAPPY BIRHTDAY!

So It wasn't the day

SO, I guess you have all figured out that, that day was NOT the DAY. Washington has decided that we are staying in Mexico, but actually we are sure it wasn't washington at all, but that funny God in heaven. He's a kidder you know. But we are peaceful and happy and much wonderfulness has rained into our lives since. For example I went to Utah and brought home this little lump of sugar.

HYRUM TITUS MORA

was born March 3 2003, weighed 9 lbs

and has been the best experience that I have EVER had with a newborn.

I am loving this kid and eating up every minute with him.

Maybe it is because we are so much more stable than we were during the first years of Eva and Sam's life, but this kids has cast a spell on his mommy that is truly a blessing.

Justino has been called to serve in the stake presidency as the first couselor and his willingness to serve has brought a new peace to our home that I am grateful for. I was happy to be released as the stake primary president, since the only thing I really want to do is nurse Hyrum... and am also glad that they called me to be in charge of the music in the primary for the stake. That means I get to travel with Justino and sing with the kids, ( and let's be real, that' s the only thing I was really good at anyway!)

I am settled down for the long haul on our Mexican Adventure. We are finally sure that we are here to stay for a long time, if not forever... We are happy and grateful and all together and That's all that matters.

Today could be the day

Today could be the day. The day we have waited for, prayed for, hoped for, stopped hoping for, and then hoped for again for four long years.

I used to breath only for this day. The fantasy of this day was my reason to keep moving forward. Nothing else felt worth it, but this day made me put one foot in front of the other. Every decision I made was painted by the possiblity that today would be the day. I woke every morning and thought "today will be the day", and then day after day after day... it wasn't.

Soon after the shock of third world hell had healed, and life started to feel more like third world normal I stoped waiting for this day. I started loving palm trees, and creating relationships, and relishing my brilliant bi-lingual children. And the dream of the day faded, and even though I thought it might come, it felt more like longing to win the lottery, something that could happen but probably wouldn't. So forward we marched.

And then one day Washinton called, and said " the day might be coming" And I started hoping again, and then chastizing myself for hoping for something that I knew probably wouldn't come. But my hero in Washington kept working, and her letters would scratch off the scab in my heart that wouldn't let me hope, and my bleeding heart would hope again. And then she said, something she had never said before. She told which day would be the actual day. She said the words Tuesday or Wednesday.... not in the near future, or as soon as possible, not " we are optimistic that is will be soon" an actual concrete day. ( well one of two)

What will I do if today is the day? Cry. Tears of pure joy, and saddness. Tears of relief, and tears of trepedation. Tears of excitement and tears of fear. And then I think the overload of emotion will leave me numb, and completely disbeliving that the day has actually come.

Dear Lenora,

Dear Lenora,

Today as I was doing a quick pick up, dust, and sweep the house, before going to teach disrespectful Jr. High kids, I heard Claire de Lune by Debussy on theradio.com. I knew it. I played it at my senior recital. Do you remember? I thought about the other pieces that I played that day. I was so pregnant with Eva. I didn't know that recital would end such an important part of me. Hopefully, it won't be over forever. Just for now.

Today as I listened to those notes, I could see them on the keyboard. I longed for that creative part of myself that has been laid to rest. I longed to feel the way I felt when I played. I longed for the connection to myself that I gleaned as I practiced so many hours to understand those musical masterpieces. I miss playing the piano.

I wanted to tell you, because you knew me when I could call myself a musician. Not because I was so good, but because I spent so many hours a day in pursuit of trying to be so good. And mostly because I loved it so much. And also because I never could have done any of it without you. I treasure what you taught me. As much as I miss it, and as many years as have passed, I'd like to think that I learned more than music during all those years, and I am more well equipped to do the tasks I have at hand now because of what music taught me about myself.

I miss you lenora, and I miss so deeply playing the piano. Someday I am going to show up on your door step and I will be ready to take lessons again. I'll look forward to that.

Brook

Happy Mother's Day

We Can't Scream It Loud Enough!
WE LOVE YOU GRANDMA!!!!

This was my view earlier today. Playa Del Carmen. Beautiful don't you think?
Warm Sun. White sand. Blue water. Nice Breeze. Paradise.
My brother Andy is here visiting so we drove the 45 minutes or so, down south to Playa. We did an official visit on behalf of the stake primary ( that's my calling in church these days) and then headed for tacos, and to the beach.
It occurred to me that three years ago today I had a much different view of Mexico.
No sun. White Embassy. Blue uniforms. Cold Breeze. Hell.
I stood in the same spot across the street from the embassy scared and staring at the same little door for eight hours watching one face at time walk out. Some triumphant, but mostly worried or angry faces emerged. Justino's face was a color that I had never seen before. A fallen ashen countenance that made me know immediately that something was very wrong.
I could have never imagined on the scary surreal day, that my reality in Mexico would be the living under the breeze of the exotic caribbean.
Not that life is so exotic here. In fact mostly I would say it is quite the opposite. It occurred to me that there is more than meets the eye with that old saying
'Life is a Beach'
And especially so of our journey since that pivotal day three years ago.
It is immense and moves by the hand of God, just as the tides and the waves.
It is easy to get dirty sand seems to find it's way into every nook and cranny.
Sunburn, dry skin, tangled hair are a given if certain precautions are not taken.
There are alot of people around, all interesting but mostly strangers. The company of those who aren't is a real treasure.
It is really fun to be there for a while, but pretty soon you just want to go home.
Mostly It's all about how you approach the day. If you show up prepared for the possible ills of the beach, and focus on the enchantment of just being there,
the experience truly is paradise.