Holiday Rundown

I can't believe that Christmas has come and went. For days that sure drag this year has really flown. This is how we spent our holidays south of the border.

Church Dinner
Last Saturday night we had our church Christmas dinner. The youth were in charge of the nativity skit. They were irreverent, and out of control during the practices and I nearly renounced my calling of youth leader, but the final product was much better than the rehearsals, not great, but better, and I Forgave them. The food was amazing. We had enough, which is a first, and we had a really wonderful time with the people who have made this time in Mexico so special. As I sat there eating, and talking I thought about leaving them, and that made me want to cry almost as much as the thought of staying for ten years. Later Justino took one of the youth with him to take dinner to a widow in our branch, and he was joking with the youth saying that when he was the new branch president that he would have to make sure and take dinner to all the widows that didn't have strength to come to the church to eat. Justino said, maybe it will be you when I leave, still joking, and Ruben, the youth, said, " You're Leaving?!" Justino told him that we don't plan on being here permanently, and Ruben got quiet for a long time and then said, " President Mora, Please don't leave." When Justino told me that I forgave the all the irreverent youth for being teenagers about the skit.

Posadas
All last week neighborhoods around Martinez hosted Posadas. It is when the people on a certain street pool their money and resources and make a party. They close the streets and string balloons, rent speakers bigger than their houses and dance all night. The neighborhood ladies cook and there is candy for the kids. Big fun, big food, all night. These folks know how to party.

Christmas Eve
So we went to a Christmas Eve party with some of our friends, Frank and Rosy. We went with their family to Rosy's mother's. She had 12 children and they were all there with their kids. We played games and had pinatas, she roasted a leg og pig with peaches it was divine. Then we danced and there was karaoke. I got a big kick out of listening to everybody sing. Everybody dressed up and there was such a joyful atmosphere. The games were cheesy, like musical chairs, and fruit basket, but every body participated and made it so much fun. I laughed until I cried more than once. At midnight every single person hugged and kissed every single person. Eva fell asleep on my lap in a chair in a corner about 5 minutes to midnight, so I thought that I would not be involved in the 12 o'clock Christmas greetings, but not one person failed to find their way back to the my isolated corner and hug me over the top of my sleeping angel. I was so touched that many of them, don't know me, but I felt sincerely loved my all of them. It struck me that the focus of the evening was being together. Not gifts, not anything else just coming together to celebrate. We stayed until almost 2a and it was blissful.
There was another element that really impressed me about this family. Underneath the obvious merry making, there were some things going on that could have really killed the mood, but didn't. A few months ago Justino and Frank painted a house for one of Franks sister in laws. I'll spare the details but she during that time she stole Frank's wedding ring, and a substantial amount of money from him. The circumstances around the event made it obvious that she was the culprit, but in the end he couldn't prove it, and had to let it go. Christmas Eve, She was there. He was there, and he was kind. I paid attention to how he treated her. He brought her a plate of food, and I saw them kiss at midnight. Frank is a bigger person than me, because he forgave her.
Another detail was that one of Rosy's sister, Isabel, came from the United States. She has lived there for 20 years, is a legal resident, and after 7 years or so came home to see her family for Christmas. She brought a surprise with her. Her lesbian life partner, Margarita, and their new one year old daughter, Joyce. This family is NOT of the open minded train of thought to celebrate the announcement of the lifestyle choice of their daughter. I was worried for her
( Somebody told me before the party about her arrival) but I was deeply moved at the kindness and love that this family showed their sister, and her new family. Frank danced with Margarita, she was the best at the karaoke, and I noticed everybody extend a hand of welcome to her. I love that.
I thought about the whole night and I realized that the wonderful feeling I felt was there because these folks, not only know how to throw an awesome party, but because they don't just sing about Christmas, they don't just celebrate Christmas, they LIVE everyday, the principles that Christmas is all about. Peace, Love and Joy.

Christmas Day
Justino went to see his grandmother and because my foot hurt from all the dancing, and because my mother was going to call I stayed home. I talked to her for two hours and that was a delight. Then I took a nap, and that was only ok. Because I woke up every 5 minutes wondering if Eva was ok, forgetting that she went with her dad. Children really do ruin your life, I used to be a champion napper. Thanks a lot Eva. We went back to Rosy's mom when they came home, and ate again, and it was fabulous.

Best Christmas Present Ever
so there are two young men in the branch that play the piano. They learned before I came from their mother and they love it when I teach them. They love to find difficult, fast, show off music to learn, and I am always trying to help them learn it. They always ask me to play something "impressive" and since I haven't practiced since my recital in April of 2006 my skills are less than impressive. I can get through about 30 seconds of the third movement of Beethoven's "Moonlight" Sonata. Well they beg me for more, and I never have it to give. I keep telling them if I had the music I could resurrect it, but I don't so, sorry. Well, Monday afternoon they showed up after having spent hours in an internet cafe, with a copy of the music. They were so pleased and so was I. I can't wait to get to the piano, and spend some time with my soul mate Beethoven. Merry Christmas.

Hope

Hope is an interesting thing. I am thinking about it because I think I am losing it. When I was younger I used to hope for a bright future. At different times I hoped for different things. I remember a time that I hoped to be a best selling author who lived alone in Park City and had a bare skin rug. Later I hoped for a happy marriage. That hope came true. I hoped for a certain life, with my wonderful husband, some kids, a house.... You know the usual stuff. Lately I have been thinking, so what do I hope for. I hope for a visa that will take us home. I hope that my husband will be present at the birth of his next child. I hope that Eva will someday sleep through the night, like she used to before we moved to Mexico. I hope that Justino's cousin will come from Florida and bring us Eva's crib to increase the chances of her sleeping through the night, because I have determined that she is too big for her porta-crib, that coupled with the bugs that eat her while she sleeps, are the reasons that she wakes up five times a night, and barely naps in the day. I hope that if we ever get back to the states, that we will be able to build a life there, and it won't matter that we are light years behind other people our age. Who all have houses, and careers and lots of children, and all the other things I used to hope for.

Why suddenly am I doubtful that any of this going to happen. I believe that it is all possible. I don't think they are such outrageous things that I hope for, but in a new way, like never before in my life, I wonder if they will happen. I worry that they wont. I don't know what that says about me. I guess I just grew up believing that I could have anything I was willing to work for. For the first time I don't feel like there is anything I can do to make my hopes come true. Maybe pray. But hasn't God already decided if we are going to stay here or not. We ask him unceasingly to send us back to the states, and to send us a job until we get there, but he hasn't done either one yet. I feel so powerless over the future that I always hoped for. SO maybe I am discovering as I write this that my hope was in the wrong thing, my ability to achieve what I want to have in my life.

Oh the things I am learning being in a place I didn't hope to come to. It isn't really being here that is hard. I mean tonight they closed the street, and the music was huge and beautiful and the weather was warm, and the neighbor had hung balloon across the street. And there was dancing and candy for the kids and festive Mexican "ponche" ( a hot drink, lots of fruit boiled with cinnamon sticks and sugar) that I love, and in the middle of it, I thought, what is my problem. I love this country. I do love this country. I wouldn't mind living in a part of it that had at least one Chinese restaurant and a book store or two, but I love this people. I love this culture, I love that my daughters first words have been Spanish words. I love so much of this life that we live here.

So what I am complaining about? I don't even know. I just know that I hope differently than I used to. I guess I used to hope for things and I hadn't lived anything that made me think that it might not come true. Suddenly that seems like a possibility. That scares me. What do you hope for?

BURRA QUE SOY

Well, I guess when I complain about my life, and refuse to see the things that I have to be grateful for God gently nudges me to remember them. In this case, he nudged me down the stairs on Saturday afternoon while I was at a baby shower, and today I remember that I am grateful for the good old days when my ankle wasn't sprained and I could walk all over this little town pain free. Actually, I don't really think that my sprained ankle was an act of god, as much as it was my clumsy self, and loose flip flops, but at any rate, I am more grateful that I can walk ( or I should say, that I will walk again in the near future, now I doing more crawling and hopping than walking)
I found a doctor, she is a member of my church, and she is an actual doctor, not a Mexican "healer" ( which could be a whole post in it self) She said that she doesn't think it is broken, might be little crack in the bone, I think we will do X-rays tomorrow. Jusitno is a champion, ran a real marathon today, in church as the branch president, and with a one year old, and a broken wife home in bed. I am so grateful for him. One day at a time, good to be grateful for strong ankles, I have added that to my list.

Christmas Time in Sunny Mexico

This photo has nothing to do with this post, just wanted you all to see how darling my child is.

So I have been really in a funk since my mom left. For three days I have done almost nothing. I did start laundry, but still have two loads on the line, for three days now, and one load that never even made it out of the washer. My mom came, and left, and that made me sad. Basically I have been totally out of gas, and sick of living here, and ready to be done with Mexico. Hopeless that we will ever get to go home, and really struggling that God is fine to let me struggle and suffer. That is so not the God I have believed in. Yes, we have trials to make us grow, yes he sees a bigger picture, but somehow this time, this trial seems different. Like way beyond growth and my better good, more like sadistic cruel punishment. How can it be ok that I am in a country that all my god given talents are stifled and I am losing my self one piece at a time, with every taco I eat. The interesting, fun loving, intelligent musical Brook Ann the Great, is becoming this shallow, non human entity that barely exists form one day to the next, doing nothing stimulating or progressive, just trying to keep Eva alive, and protected from Rabid dogs, and bug bites.

So we go to the church because Justino has a bunch of President stuff to do, and the ward is having a Christmas “charla” basically a message about the Savior and then refreshments. Justino comes out in the hall and tells me that the person who is supposed to give the message didn’t come, and I have to do it. Great timing since I am feeling abandoned by God, and completely indifferent to the Savior, who is supposed to lighten my load, but did I mention I am still sick and dying pregnant because I followed his plan for my life. He could at least help Eva nap like normal children her age instead of sending me a daughter who is a sleep handicap, and still doesn’t sleep through the night or sleep more than an hour a day. He couldn’t let her be a docile low key child either, she has to be a monkey that gets into everything and throws tantrums when I stop her. Not to mention that he knows about every job in the world, and yet we still don’t have one, despite the fact that we are nearly out of money and the only thing we have been doing down here is serving in HIS church, FOR FREE! Yeah I was thrilled to think that I had to give some uplifting spiritual message about the Savior when want I feel like saying is “Look do your own thing because His way is about the most excruciating way you can think of, and by the way while you are dying of the pain filled life that he has “blessed” you with Buck up and give thanks because it is for your own good, and if you don’t whine about it, you get to live with him who has punished you for eighty years forever. Whoopee! “

So we sing the opening song and I am wracking my brain about what to say, and then someone says the opening prayer and the time is mine, and I open my mouth and start to BS, about I don’t know what, and then something happened and the spirit filled my mouth with what He wanted me to say, and I hear myself saying that he was born in a humble stable to teach us to be humble, and then he died for us, to fulfill the Fathers will, and again we have to learn to submit to the Father will as he did. And what a glorious time of year this is to remember Him, and progress. And I read in Mosiah 3:3-5 how King Benjamin sees an angel and the angel tells him of the “tidings of great joy” that is that the Savior is going to come into the world, and that King Benjamin has to tell his people that they might “rejoice and have joy” And I ask the ward members why they think that the Saviors life and birth are tiding of great joy, and why we can rejoice because of his birth and life. And then humility of their answers humbled me. They expressed gratitude for life, one day at a time, and repentance, for His gospel. Mexicans have a way of being so grateful for each day. As a people they have a reverence for each new day. They said it with such sincerity that I was truly touched because I had been plagued with a bad attitude. I haven’t been thankful for one more day of life, repentance or the gospel because I wanted to be grateful for my really nice house, for fine restaurants that I eat at with my family, ( that don’t serve beans or tortillas) I want to be grateful for books and things and all the trinkets that come at Christmas. None of which I have.

But what do I have. The best husband in the world, the most beautiful daughter in the world, ( monkey as she may be) Another monkey on the way, who might not be a sleep handicap. Parents who love me. The best friends a girl could ask or, who love me from far away. A safe place to live, the opportunity to go to the Christmas charla and get my attitude adjusted.

I finished and as we sang the final song I remember the experience that I had when I went on trek the summer of 2005. ( Trek is a week long excursion that our Church puts on for the youth where we divide up into to families leaders are called to be “parents” to ten teenagers, and then we dress up like our pioneer ancestors and walk 30 miles the first day, pulling handcarts, through difficult terrain, eating very little and then camp and live as much like they did as we can. It always turns out to be really awesome, and super spiritual week) I did it three times as a youth, but the last time I went I was not thrilled to be there. I was tired, and out of shape, and the whole time thinking, “why am I doing this AGAIN?” One night we had a message from a young man who told the stories of his pioneer ancestors, who first came to the states form England, and then who made the journey with the early members of the Church to the Salt Lake Valley. Along the way all of their children died, then this brother lost his wife. Parts of his journal were read,, and then the young man posed the question, “Why would they choose to go through such hardship?” He answered reading the testimony of his ancestor who said, “I continued through my deep grief because I know that Jesus is the Chirst” He said much more, but those word struck me that day. That is the reason that I went on trek in 2005, because I have a testimony of Jesus Christ, and I was asked to do so by his servants. Tonight in a small chapel in Martinez de la Torre, I thought again of that summer night in the mountains of Utah, when I felt renewed to do a hard thing because of my Savior. A surge of hope ran through me as I felt a renewal again as I thought of my Savior. As I thought of how he has never let me down in the past, and how even though I have felt forsaken and abandoned, I know I am not, because he has never let me before and I believe he won’t this time. Again the wonderful people of this horrible ugly small town have taught me such a powerful lesson about what to be grateful for and where to keep my focus. I forget so easy. Merry Christmas.